I went in with a bit of trepidation, but it was SO MUCH FUN! I'm in a completely new space than I ever was before. I feel at choice for the first time. When I first started doing Tantric massage, I thought that I had to run energy with everyone, that I owed it to them. That burned me out, and then I slammed the door shut to protect myself. I wasn't available to anyone. Now I'm finding a middle ground. I can choose what I want to do. Some sessions I totally focused upon giving to the client, not involving my energy at all. Others, with clients that I knew and trusted, I allowed more give and take of energy. The important thing was that I got to choose in each situation. There were no assumptions of what I would or would not do. I ended the day feeling ecstatic and joyful.
You know in those action movies when the hero says "I'm going in" he's usually wearing protective gear. Well, I feel the same way. I've decided to go back into doing Tantric massage, and I'm starting to engage my protective gear.
I am excited and a bit nervous about it. Excited because I feel that this will be a great opportunity to get frequent practice at protecting myself energetically while also staying sensitive and open. It's a new edge for me. I think that the reason that I burned out before was because I didn't have enough protection. I had a belief that I had to be vulnerable in order to be sensitive. Now I'm ready to be both.
Wish me luck! I'll be there for the first time this weekend. I'll keep you posted.
If you know anyone in the SF East Bay who would like a session, contact me at selena AT tales-of-a-sacred-prostitute DOT com.
I read a recent post at one of my favorite blogs, Sexual Alchemy, in which someone commented that she hated the concept of purifying the body. I understand where she was coming from, rebelling against the notion that there is something wrong with the body so that it has to be purified before it can be sacred. I'm not at all saying that there is something wrong with the body, BUT . . .
I do like the idea of purifying the body in a different sense. I consider the body to be like a fine instrument, and just like a fine instrument, it needs to be kept in tune. The more pure the body is, the more sensitive it is, and the more refined I can be in my use of it.
An example of this is taking a nice long bath. When I am done, my skin is soft and very sensitive. It picks up sensations more easily than when I haven't bathed in a while. It enhances my sensuality.
One way that I keep my body pure is by noticing how what I eat affects my energy and my sensitivities. I find that eating lots of veggies and fruit to keep my body alkaline helps a lot in how I feel. Then I'm more inclined to use my body in pleasurable ways that lead to an ecstatic expansive experience. If I eat meat, it grounds my energy more than I'd like, so I avoid it. This is a practical choice, not an ethical one. I don't consider it morally superior to be a vegetarian, I just like how it feels. Broccoli has just as much life force as a cow, in my opinion. We take life each time we eat.
Yoga is another way to keep the body pure. As I move through my daily practice, the twists and stretches open the body so it is available for energy to move. Often I only spend a short time doing yoga, but even that is useful.
I could go on about all the ways I keep my body pure, but I think I've made my point. Caring for the body, as a beautiful temple for the spirit, keeps it sensitive, responsive and open for energies to move through.
Recently I have been enjoying Tantric connections with two couples (not at the same time). I find the energy of relating to a couple fascinating.
The major energy channels in the body, according to yoga and Tantra, look like the medical symbol, the staff with the two snakes spiraling around it. Wouldn't the AMA be horrified if they knew? There is a central channel that runs from the root chakra at the perineum, up to the crown chakra at the top of the head. They are encircled by two smaller channels, one which carries the yang energy, the other the yin.
I've been experimenting with creating this configuration with our bodies. As I sit or lie between the couple, letting them be the two spiral energies, I become the central vertical uprising of kundalini. It's an ecstatic experience!
It was a beautiful and frisky group of people, gorgeous in their dress-up clothes. People played and flirted, and enjoyed dancing with each other.
I was nervous before the party, realizing that I was stepping out into a new level of visibility. Old fears surfaced in the days before, fears of being burned or stoned again. So many lives where the sacred prostitute, or the feminine, was despised.
But this group was sweet, respectful and honoring. It was a great way to ease into being more public. I am grateful for each person's presence.
It's almost time for my book release party -- the Sacred Prostitute Dress-Up and Dance Party. I've been choosing great sensual music for dancing, and getting all my dress-up clothes ready. I'm thinking black lace for myself . . .
It's going to be fun! Join me if you can. It's May 9, next Saturday night, in Oakland. Email me for directions.
Today is Beltane, the half-way point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. I’ve always had a soft spot for Beltane. Traditionally it was a wild time, where the peasants fucked in the fields to make the crops grow well. One could partner with whomever one wished, and any child that was conceived at Beltane was considered a child of the Goddess, and especially honored.
You can channel your sexual energy into any area of your life, bringing fertility into your work, your relationships, or even your garden. Dedicate your sexual energy to something, and watch it manifest!
The latest sensation, the “Craigslist Killer” is only one in a series of killers who preyed upon sex workers. The Green River Killer and Jack the Ripper come to mind immediately, but I know that there are many more.
These men choose sex workers as their killers because they know that they are more vulnerable. Because they are working in an illegal profession, they are less likely to report suspicious activity to police. They are seen as disposable women because they dare to have sex for money. They potentially take their lives into their hands each time they see a client.
It is all a part of the deep dishonoring of the feminine. If we had a culture where the healing power of sexuality was recognized, it would be unthinkable to do something like this.
Let’s create a world where the feminine is honored and sex is sacred!
I wrote a while ago about how I realized that I needed to open my sexuality again after the shutdown I experienced with my burnout. One of the steps that I took was to ask several friends to help me with a sexual healing ritual. This happened almost two years ago now, but it was so beautiful that I feel inspired to write about it.
I invited three of my juiciest women friends and my dear friend and former student Eduardo. They all arrived at my place one weekend to assist me in this ritual.
First, my women friends gave me a bath. We all climbed into my big bathtub together, and they gently bathed me, washing away the old energy of shutdown as they washed my body. It was a very touching experience to be surrounded by such powerful feminine energy focused so delicately upon me.
Once the bath was done, they escorted me to the temple where Eduardo waited. I had thought that I wanted to have intercourse with him while the women were all around me, lending their sexual energy to mine, but this was not how it went. (Another example of how it’s important to be ready to drop plans when the situation is asking for something different.) Instead, I found that I really wanted to just run my own energy, with them around me in a circle holding the container for that. They held the space sweetly and reverently, allowing me to go deeply into an extended full-body orgasm without even being touched, but just from contacting my long-dormant sexual energy with breath and movement.
This was the beginning of a process of re-opening that took over a year. I am truly blessed to have such loving, supportive and accepting friends. They gave me a great gift that day, and they felt honored to be a part of my healing.
I have completed my book, Tales of a Sacred Prostitute. You are invited to celebrate if you're in the Bay area. Come dressed as a sacred prostitute, or a client of one. (You can change when you arrive, and dress-up clothes will be available.) Dance to sensual music, play, flirt and have fun. We will end the evening with a ritual to send sexual healing out into the world, especially in the form of this book.
Saturday, May 9 • 8 – 10:30 pm Near 51st and Telegraph in Oakland email@example.com for directions Free admission Books available for purchase
Books may be ordered at my website. They'll be available in a couple of weeks or so.
I reconnected with an old consort recently, whom I will call Tantrika-ji. A tantrika is a practitioner of Tantra, and “-ji” is a term of respect. He is indeed a dear man.
We had a lovely moment. We had been running energy together for a long time, with a lot of passion. I had been deeply orgasmic for quite some time, and I was in a very altered state. Suddenly he pulled a few hairs on the top of my head upward, opening up my crown chakra dramatically. I instantly got very still, and felt myself merge into a field of light. I floated there for several minutes as we paused in our movements.
This is true Tantra – using the sexual energy as a gateway to the Divine.
I had a wonderful evening with a few old and new friends doing some sexual ritual. After we each talked about what we wanted and didn’t want, we called in sacred space, asking that the energy we created be used for the highest good and light. Then each person got to be the focus of attention, asking for whatever he or she wanted from the others. There were many magical moments, but one keeps coming back to me. I’m using names of Hindu gods and goddesses rather than their real names, because it was a transpersonal experience.
It was Krishna’s turn to receive. He was lying on his back. Sita, who has been lovers with him for a while, was between his legs, sucking his lingam very enthusiastically. Her partner, Ram, was behind her and inside her. I straddled Krishna’s chest, my yoni pressed against his heart. The energy moved through us all as if we were one. Sita and I were both orgasming, and I could feel Ram’s energy move up through her into Krishna and me. It was an ecstatic connection that created an experience of oneness.
I recently did a guest post on The Qadishtu Experience. It's an excellent blog full of stories about the work of many different sacred prostitutes, or qadishtu as they call them. The post is an excerpt from my book, which is almost ready. Check it out!
I saw a TV show the other night that struck me as so wrong that I just have to write about it. I rarely watch TV, but I was visiting a friend who had it on. The show was sort of like Candid Camera, where Howie Mandell sets people up in weird situations while secretly filming them.
This situation was that two older women had signed up to be in some kind of workshop. They were learning to pole dance, being taught by a couple of younger women, and they had been told that they were being filmed so that they could see their dances. There were several camera men around the set. The idea of the workshop seemed to be about teaching them to open up their sexuality. They were very sweet, really, in their innocence and willingness to experiment.
The first disturbing thing was that the audience that was viewing this film laughed as the women played at letting their sexuality out. As if it is funny that older women can be sexual!
But it got a lot worse. A couple of male strippers came bursting in, ripped their pants off and began “dancing” in their G-strings. Their dancing was really more like just thrusting their pelvises. It was a shocking invasion. Then more men burst in, dressed as police, and began busting them for making a porn movie. It was even more invasive.
It made me feel sick inside. These lovely women had taken a chance, made themselves vulnerable, and decided to open up. The message they got was an overwhelming smash-down. Just when they thought it was safe to come out!
The fact that people thought this was funny shows that we have a long way to go.
Venus goes retrograde tomorrow (March 6), and will be retrograde for several weeks. As her apparent motion as viewed from the Earth goes backwards, it prompts us to look inward, especially in the areas she rules: love, romance, sexuality, and finances. It’s a time for reassessing values in those areas, finding what really works for us.
I’m certainly on this program at the moment. I think that I would be even if I didn’t know about Venus going retrograde. I’m grappling with some big questions: can I ever open my heart fully again? Do I even want to? Is it just some romantic ideal that I’ve outgrown? Do sex and intimacy necessarily have to go together? Am I avoiding an area of my own growth by saying no to a relationship that might go deeper? Is it an illusion that it might grow deeper? Or is it that I just really don’t want to engage in that way?
Big questions. The only answers I can find are in how my body feels – when it feels constricted, when it feels lighter. I’m using it as a guide for what my path is. And hoping that I’m on the right path!
What about you? Is relationship up for reassessment?
I awoke from a dream this morning where I was trying to find a place to see clients, and I was worried that I wouldn’t be accepted by the people who lived around the place that I was considering. Later this morning, I started wondering if the website that I am building to promote my book will be accepted – do I have to have an adult portal?
This is such a familiar theme. Even before I started doing sex work, when I taught Tantra workshops to groups, I was always aware that the owners of places that I rented for the workshops might disapprove. Indeed, we did get kicked out of one place when the owner walked in unexpectedly during a Tantric ritual! Everyone was scantily clad, and the women were dancing for the men at that moment. It didn’t go over well, and soon we had to leave.
Today I’m feeling the burden of being a marginalized member of this society. It’s part of the price of working on the edge, trying to create a change in the attitudes that people have about sexuality. Most of the time I can just let it go, but right now I feel tired of having the additional layer of considerations that most people don’t have.
It shows up in the most simple of situations. What’s the first thing that people ask you at a party? “What do you do?” For most people, it’s an easy answer. But for a sex worker, there is a moment of rapid calculation, deciding just how much to reveal to this person, wondering if they will recoil in horror.
I would like to create a world where, if I answered, “I am a sacred prostitute.” I would be honored for the good work that I do. Where people would understand and respect the deep value of sexual healing and sexual ecstasy.
Please take a moment to visualize this. The more we imagine it, the more it is real.
I’m getting to find out by experience what it’s like to have a Pluto transit. Yikes! Pluto, the planet of transformation, is conjunct my Mars, which is about anger, aggression, and also about the men in my life. These two powerhouses are opposite my Sun, which is the deepest essence of my personality. Did I say yikes!?
Pluto acts by bringing up the shadow, the parts of ourselves that we haven’t looked at yet. What I’ve noticed is that it is bringing up all the ways that I don’t love men. I’m making it very personal, too, projecting it onto Adam. I’m hyper-sensitive to the least little hint of him trying to control me. He has the lucky position of being the catalyst for all that is still unhealed in my relationship to men – giving myself away in order to please, according to my training.
I know that it has very little to do with him. I know that it will pass, and I will be more healed and more whole when it is done. I’ve spent a lot of the week in tears, despairing of ever being able to love anyone. It shifted last night. My heart softened and opened, and I got more perspective. I’m grateful for the respite. I’m also grateful for Adam’s equanimity in all this. He has been very loving through it. I am fortunate to be connected with him at this time.
I have a very unusual relationship with Ted, one of my consorts. We only see each other occasionally. He is busy with raising a daughter on his own, and I have no desire to enter his life to any extent, or for him to enter mine. Both times we have connected, we began by sharing a light meal together and talking and reconnecting. We then entered my temple space and created ritual space. We asked that the energy from our connection be used to the highest good, whatever that may be.
In the context of that sacred space, we dropped into Tantric lovemaking. It had no agenda and no goal. Sometimes the energy was very passionate, sometimes very slow. We were both just present, allowing whatever was true for us at that moment to unfold.
I once read somewhere that we humans have the capability to act as lightening rods, bringing energy to the earth. I feel this often as Ted and I connect.
This is a beautiful manifestation of transpersonal sex – using the sexual energy as an act of worship, not as a way of creating a personal connection.
This is not to say that it is impersonal. I care for him and respect him deeply. But it feels like it is a connection not between the personalities but between our two souls, using our bodies as the vehicle.
The other day, I saw an old client of mine. We did a session up in my temple in the afternoon as the sun poured in. Sanskrit chants played, invoking Krishna and Radha, the divine lovers.
As the session drew to a close, he was lying peacefully on the table. I held his lingam (penis) in my hands without moving, just holding the energy for him. The sun moved around a bit more, and hit the crystals that hang in the window. Suddenly, there was a rainbow on the head of his lingam!
My old lover and dear friend Jay has been so kind recently. He just designed a beautiful book cover for me, for my soon-to-be-released book “Tales of a Sacred Prostitute”. He is mentioned in my book a lot, as we were in business together when we created a temple for sacred prostitutes. We have always felt that we were destined to do this work together, and we worked well with each other, believing in a common goal of bringing the sacred prostitute back.
When I thanked him for designing the book cover, he said that he felt that it was a completion for him. The work that we agreed to do together before we incarnated was completed.
I reconnected with Adam in the last few weeks, as well as beginning a connection with Ted. Aphrodite has been busy!
Adam is now in Thailand for the next few weeks. Just before he left, we had a deep and loving evening together. During that time, I received a vision about what our connection is about right now, on a transpersonal level.
First, some astrological background. His Venus is conjunct my Mars, and Pluto in the sky is transiting both of them. What this means is that he is carrying the feminine energy (Venus) and I am carrying the male energy (Mars). The conjunction creates a lot of attraction between us. It’s new for him to be in the feminine, and it’s new for me to be in the masculine. Pluto, the planet of transformation, is asking us to transform our old ways and open up to something new.
In this vision, I realized that our connection was about healing the rift between the masculine and the feminine. He was about to go off to a very feminine place – Thailand is soft and yielding. I am here on the west coast of the US, across the Pacific from him, holding the energy in a culture that is extremely masculine. As we maintain the connection between us, we reconnect the sacred masculine and the sacred feminine.
I’m happy to report that my consort did indeed manifest. I’ve seen him a couple of times now, and our time together is feeding me in a beautiful way. He is beautifully in service to me, and I think that he is receiving a lot from the connection as well. We have dropped the old roles of teacher-student, and I am in surrender. I trust his instincts for healing, and I think that my trust of him is a validation of him that goes far beyond what I ever gave him before when I was his teacher. We are both receiving abundantly.
I spent nine years working as a sacred prostitute, using the vehicle of Tantric massage to plant seeds of light in the masses. I have taught Tantra since 1993, and done sexual healing work since 1991. I just completed a book about my work and life called "Tales of a Sacred Prostitute", which will be released in early 2009.