I went in with a bit of trepidation, but it was SO MUCH FUN! I'm in a completely new space than I ever was before. I feel at choice for the first time. When I first started doing Tantric massage, I thought that I had to run energy with everyone, that I owed it to them. That burned me out, and then I slammed the door shut to protect myself. I wasn't available to anyone. Now I'm finding a middle ground. I can choose what I want to do. Some sessions I totally focused upon giving to the client, not involving my energy at all. Others, with clients that I knew and trusted, I allowed more give and take of energy. The important thing was that I got to choose in each situation. There were no assumptions of what I would or would not do. I ended the day feeling ecstatic and joyful.
You know in those action movies when the hero says "I'm going in" he's usually wearing protective gear. Well, I feel the same way. I've decided to go back into doing Tantric massage, and I'm starting to engage my protective gear.
I am excited and a bit nervous about it. Excited because I feel that this will be a great opportunity to get frequent practice at protecting myself energetically while also staying sensitive and open. It's a new edge for me. I think that the reason that I burned out before was because I didn't have enough protection. I had a belief that I had to be vulnerable in order to be sensitive. Now I'm ready to be both.
Wish me luck! I'll be there for the first time this weekend. I'll keep you posted.
If you know anyone in the SF East Bay who would like a session, contact me at selena AT tales-of-a-sacred-prostitute DOT com.
I read a recent post at one of my favorite blogs, Sexual Alchemy, in which someone commented that she hated the concept of purifying the body. I understand where she was coming from, rebelling against the notion that there is something wrong with the body so that it has to be purified before it can be sacred. I'm not at all saying that there is something wrong with the body, BUT . . .
I do like the idea of purifying the body in a different sense. I consider the body to be like a fine instrument, and just like a fine instrument, it needs to be kept in tune. The more pure the body is, the more sensitive it is, and the more refined I can be in my use of it.
An example of this is taking a nice long bath. When I am done, my skin is soft and very sensitive. It picks up sensations more easily than when I haven't bathed in a while. It enhances my sensuality.
One way that I keep my body pure is by noticing how what I eat affects my energy and my sensitivities. I find that eating lots of veggies and fruit to keep my body alkaline helps a lot in how I feel. Then I'm more inclined to use my body in pleasurable ways that lead to an ecstatic expansive experience. If I eat meat, it grounds my energy more than I'd like, so I avoid it. This is a practical choice, not an ethical one. I don't consider it morally superior to be a vegetarian, I just like how it feels. Broccoli has just as much life force as a cow, in my opinion. We take life each time we eat.
Yoga is another way to keep the body pure. As I move through my daily practice, the twists and stretches open the body so it is available for energy to move. Often I only spend a short time doing yoga, but even that is useful.
I could go on about all the ways I keep my body pure, but I think I've made my point. Caring for the body, as a beautiful temple for the spirit, keeps it sensitive, responsive and open for energies to move through.
Recently I have been enjoying Tantric connections with two couples (not at the same time). I find the energy of relating to a couple fascinating.
The major energy channels in the body, according to yoga and Tantra, look like the medical symbol, the staff with the two snakes spiraling around it. Wouldn't the AMA be horrified if they knew? There is a central channel that runs from the root chakra at the perineum, up to the crown chakra at the top of the head. They are encircled by two smaller channels, one which carries the yang energy, the other the yin.
I've been experimenting with creating this configuration with our bodies. As I sit or lie between the couple, letting them be the two spiral energies, I become the central vertical uprising of kundalini. It's an ecstatic experience!
I spent nine years working as a sacred prostitute, using the vehicle of Tantric massage to plant seeds of light in the masses. I have taught Tantra since 1993, and done sexual healing work since 1991. I just completed a book about my work and life called "Tales of a Sacred Prostitute", which will be released in early 2009.