Friday, February 13, 2009

Pluto On My Mars

I’m getting to find out by experience what it’s like to have a Pluto transit. Yikes! Pluto, the planet of transformation, is conjunct my Mars, which is about anger, aggression, and also about the men in my life. These two powerhouses are opposite my Sun, which is the deepest essence of my personality. Did I say yikes!?

Pluto acts by bringing up the shadow, the parts of ourselves that we haven’t looked at yet. What I’ve noticed is that it is bringing up all the ways that I don’t love men. I’m making it very personal, too, projecting it onto Adam. I’m hyper-sensitive to the least little hint of him trying to control me. He has the lucky position of being the catalyst for all that is still unhealed in my relationship to men – giving myself away in order to please, according to my training.

I know that it has very little to do with him. I know that it will pass, and I will be more healed and more whole when it is done. I’ve spent a lot of the week in tears, despairing of ever being able to love anyone. It shifted last night. My heart softened and opened, and I got more perspective. I’m grateful for the respite. I’m also grateful for Adam’s equanimity in all this. He has been very loving through it. I am fortunate to be connected with him at this time.

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