Just Having Fun

Check out my post on The Quadishtu Experience. It's an excerpt from my book, Tales of a Sacred Prostitute. Enjoy!

What Joy!

I went in with a bit of trepidation, but it was SO MUCH FUN! I'm in a completely new space than I ever was before. I feel at choice for the first time. When I first started doing Tantric massage, I thought that I had to run energy with everyone, that I owed it to them. That burned me out, and then I slammed the door shut to protect myself. I wasn't available to anyone. Now I'm finding a middle ground. I can choose what I want to do. Some sessions I totally focused upon giving to the client, not involving my energy at all. Others, with clients that I knew and trusted, I allowed more give and take of energy. The important thing was that I got to choose in each situation. There were no assumptions of what I would or would not do. I ended the day feeling ecstatic and joyful.

This is good medicine for me.

Sexual Healing Ritual

I wrote a while ago about how I realized that I needed to open my sexuality again after the shutdown I experienced with my burnout. One of the steps that I took was to ask several friends to help me with a sexual healing ritual. This happened almost two years ago now, but it was so beautiful that I feel inspired to write about it.

I invited three of my juiciest women friends and my dear friend and former student Eduardo. They all arrived at my place one weekend to assist me in this ritual.

First, my women friends gave me a bath. We all climbed into my big bathtub together, and they gently bathed me, washing away the old energy of shutdown as they washed my body. It was a very touching experience to be surrounded by such powerful feminine energy focused so delicately upon me.

Once the bath was done, they escorted me to the temple where Eduardo waited. I had thought that I wanted to have intercourse with him while the women were all around me, lending their sexual energy to mine, but this was not how it went. (Another example of how it’s important to be ready to drop plans when the situation is asking for something different.) Instead, I found that I really wanted to just run my own energy, with them around me in a circle holding the container for that. They held the space sweetly and reverently, allowing me to go deeply into an extended full-body orgasm without even being touched, but just from contacting my long-dormant sexual energy with breath and movement.

This was the beginning of a process of re-opening that took over a year. I am truly blessed to have such loving, supportive and accepting friends. They gave me a great gift that day, and they felt honored to be a part of my healing.

Sexual Opening For Women

I am grateful for all the experience with men that I have had over the years. It has given me a wealth of information to share with others who may not have had such an extensive dive into the world of male sexuality.

Some of the work I do now is with women, helping them to open and to come into their sexuality in a way that is much more free and flowing. While these women may never become sacred prostitutes themselves, they benefit from my experiences in that realm.

While I already offer individual online sessions, I am developing an online program to reach women everywhere who want to become more free. I am beginning with working with body image, since so many women feel that their bodies are flawed, and this lack of confidence in their physical beauty can create a shut-down in sexual energy. In this segment I am teaching how to inhabit the body from the inside out, bringing the inner beauty of the goddess into physical form.

I’ll keep you posted about this as it develops!

Is "Sacred Prostitute" an oxymoron?

The split between the sacred and the sexual started when the patriarchy took over, and women needed to be controlled so that inheritance could go through men. Read "When God Was a Woman" by Merlin Stone if you'd like to know more. Before that, there were priestesses who used sexuality as part of their rites, but that practice had to be condemned if women were to begin to accept being owned and controlled by men. The most effective way to do that was through religion -- if you f**k someone else, then you're a whore and you'll go to hell! (The original meaning of "whore" was "healer".) So the motivation for making non-monogamous sex (for women, especially) immoral was originally financial, not moral.

When I was working, I used sexual energy as a tool for healing and for expansion of the spirit. It is a powerful force and when used with knowledge and skill, it can be a potent agent of healing, and for having a direct experience of enlightenment. Di you ever wonder why so many people say "Oh, god! Oh, god!" so much when they're coming?

I'm working towards a time when the sacred use of sexuality is reclaimed. It has been forgotten, but it is returning.

If you want to know more about how a prostitute can be sacred, then read my book!

A Gathering of Sacred Intimates

Yesterday I went to a meeting of sacred intimates. It was a great group of people. It had been a long time since I had gathered with sex workers. I was reminded once more just how creative, passionate and lively they are.

These women and men have sex work as their avocation. They are dedicated to healing and approach their clients with love – just as I used to do. I am delighted to see this attitude, and I want to help spread it far and wide. That’s why I wrote my book.

From Destruction to Flowering

I’ve been studying the Mayan calendar lately. It’s really complex, way more than just the 5000-year cycle that most people talk about. There are cycles within cycles within cycles. One that I’m paying attention to these days is a cycle that started in 1999.

Each of these nested cycles has a series of “days” and “nights” that last varying times. The cycle that started in 1999 has a day or night of 360 days. The first “day” lasted from January 5, 1999 to December 31, 1999. The energy of the first day is “sowing the seeds”.

We are just about to finish the fifth night now, which has the energy of “destruction”. On November 13, 2008, we will enter the sixth day, which has the energy of “flowering”. Whatever we sowed in 1999 will begin to flower soon.

Today I realized how much this cycle has affected my life. In 1999, I began doing sensual massage. It was fresh and new. I loved each day, sharing energy with my clients. I was often in orgasmic energy all day long. What a seed to sow! And I knew that I was reaching people through my sexuality who needed what I had to offer.

The past year was indeed destruction energy for me. I visited a friend who does sexual healing in December of 2007, and as I was there working with him, I realized that I could not complete my healing if I continued to do sensual massage. I came back home and immediately closed down my temple. I never did it again, except for a few select clients.

Now, as the flowering year approaches, I am coming out again. My book is complete, and the process of getting it published is in motion. I’m blogging, reaching out to people again, and my sexual energy is opening up again.

It will be fun to see what this year brings!

The Crystal Lingam

Adam gave me a beautiful amethyst crystal a few weeks ago. I liked it, but I hadn't explored its energies until last night. Before then, the only thing that I knew was that it wanted me to be the only one who touches it. When he gave it to me, I brought it home, and soaked it in salt water overnight to clear its energy. Then it just waited upon my altar until I was moved to explore it.

Last night was the night. Alone in my house, I lit candles around my bedroom in the four directions, and set sacred space. Then I just held the crystal in various ways, exploring the interface between it and my body. The exploration culminated in my pleasuring myself with it. As I held the tip inside of me, it touched my sacred spot (G spot) in a very pleasurable way. The sexual energy arose and moved through my body.

I kept the image of the crystalline light entering me. It was not about fantasizing about a person, but about connecting with the infinite through the crystal. I think the crystal is a portal into the realms of the infinite, and as I become more comfortable with it, it will be a useful tool in the healing and expansion of my sexuality and a pathway to the divine.

Adam Helps Me Heal

It's time to introduce my lover, Adam. He is a new love, only six months old. Well, he's older than that, but not to me!

He has been really helpful in my sexual healing process. He understands what I've been through, and is really there for me. We have many connections astrologically. His natal Chiron, the wounded healer, conjuncts my Venus, so he brings a lot of healing energy to my sexuality. Very considerate of him to incarnate with that configuration, don't you think?

When we first connected, I was so shut down sexually that I felt numb in my body. My juices didn't flow, even when I began to feel a little arousal. I felt theoretically willing, but my body didn't cooperate at all.

We have a lot of sexual attraction to each other, and I enjoyed the process of just feeling desire. Once, when making love, I asked him to let me fully feel the desire without him acting upon it. He hovered near my entrance, just touching lightly, as I experimented with actively desiring a man again. I knew that he wouldn't enter me unless I asked him to, and I didn't ask him that time. But the act of desiring, of feeling myself open up and reach out to him energetically, shifted something in me. It was an important step on my healing path.

Next Phase Was the Burnout

In my last post, I described the delight of the first few years of working as a masseuse. Unfortunately, as time went on, I began to burn out. The cost of being that accessible to so many took its toll. I worked hard on keeping myself clear, but there was so much unconsciousness in that world that it was hard to keep myself open and full of light. I began to shut down.

I went into a period of several years where I had no sexual energy at all. I was still skilled at touch, and I could provide men with an exquisite experience of transcendence, but it didn't reach me. I was walled off. All my energy was in the spiritual realms -- my third eye and crown chakras were very activated, but I didn't inhabit my lower chakras at all. (Note: chakras are energy centers. The third eye is about intuition, and the crown is about your connection with Spirit. The lower chakras include your connection to the earth and your sexual energy.)

About a year and a half ago, I began to realize that I was cutting myself off from my power by ignoring my sexual energy. My motivation was to activate my spiritual connection even more strongly, but the message I got was that I had to heal my sexual energy in order to fuel the spiritual expansion. So I embarked upon a sexual healing journey for myself. I may describe some of those experiences later in this blog.

It was a long process, but now I have awakened again. My sexual energy is back, different than before, but growing stronger all the time. I have a new lover, who is a Tantric adept, and he is helping me to open more deeply and to remove the last remnants of the deadened energy that I created as protection while I did the work the last few years.

I'm now in a place where I can celebrate what I did as a sacred prostitute. I want to share with you the stories of that time, and also my process of healing and expansion now. I am stepping into an even deeper way of being with sacred sexuality, where the sexual energy is used for serving the highest good of the earth and the universe.

Tales of a Sacred Prostitute

For nine years, I worked as a sacred prostitute. I did sensual massage with a  little bit of Tantric teachings, and I advertised my services on adult entertainment websites. I considered myself a "Tantric missionary". By making myself available to those men who were motivated by a search for an exotic sexual experience, I reached people who never would have come had I called it "spiritual" or "healing". Yet it was often both.

Before I did this work, I had spent many years teaching Tantra and doing sexual healing. It was much more serious, often focused upon aiding people to heal from sexual abuse. I helped many people, and I was respected in my field. I developed a Tantra school, and trained others to teach Tantra. When they were trained, I had them take over teaching the introductory level classes. This turned out to be a mistake, as the enrollments dropped drastically when I stopped teaching those classes. The introductory level classes were the financial foundation of the school. We were in trouble. I was paying everyone but myself.

But there are no mistakes, really. The financial motivation got me into doing sensual massage, as I could make some big money quickly. but I soon learned that this was the most appropriate next step for me. I closed the school, and devoted myself to doing sensual massage.

The first few years were ecstatic. I loved my clients and my work. Each day felt like a gift from Spirit. I had fun, and I brought my light to many, many men. I shared myself with them freely and joyfully.

I have just written a book called "Tales of a Sacred Prostitute". It's about experiences in my life that led up to my ability to do this work, and stories of many of the happenings of those early joyous years. I just sent the book off the the publisher, and it should be out in early 2009. Watch this blog for more information.

I welcome your respectful questions and comments. One purpose of this blog is to share what I have learned in the realms of sacred sexuality. I hope that I can inspire you in the process.