Hormones Making the Decisions

When I was working as a sacred prostitute, I read a very useful book called “The Alchemy of Love and Lust”. It’s about sex hormones and how they shape your feelings.

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. It is secreted at orgasm, and in massive quantities when a woman is giving birth. Its psychological effect is to create bonding – a very positive thing as far as evolution goes.

The problem is, sometimes we get bonded to people that we have no business bonding with, just because oxytocin is directing the show. I remember one session with a client who was a lot of fun. We were lying together quietly in each other’s arms, after having a really good time with each other. He was fun, good-looking, and we had great chemistry with each other. Sometimes my work was not much like work!

As we lay there, I started thinking about asking him to end our client relationship and start a lover/dating relationship.

Then I said to myself, “No, this is oxytocin talking. I’ll wait three days, and if I still want to do this, I’ll call him them.”

In three days, I had forgotten all about him.

Let's Just Have Fun!

I had a dramatic example the other day of how my attitude shapes my reality. Adam called me after a long absence from my life, well, long to me anyway. I wasn’t expecting that he would call me ever again. We agreed to get together to talk, and I found myself dreading the time. I just knew that it would be hard and that there would be a lot of processing.

I was talking to a friend a few hours before Adam was scheduled to arrive, and he had a great suggestion. “Why don’t you focus upon what you want instead of how hard it’s going to be?”

I started thinking – what do I want? I want to have fun, to laugh, to have a lot of orgasms. As I thought about that, I felt my energy lighten up. I started smiling.

When Adam called, I said to him, “Let’s just have fun, ok?” He agreed.

We still talked about the issues we have, but we did it in a very light-hearted way. We ended up feeling closer than we had in a long time.

I don’t know where it is going with him, but I do know that I want to keep having fun!

Sexual Opening For Women

I am grateful for all the experience with men that I have had over the years. It has given me a wealth of information to share with others who may not have had such an extensive dive into the world of male sexuality.

Some of the work I do now is with women, helping them to open and to come into their sexuality in a way that is much more free and flowing. While these women may never become sacred prostitutes themselves, they benefit from my experiences in that realm.

While I already offer individual online sessions, I am developing an online program to reach women everywhere who want to become more free. I am beginning with working with body image, since so many women feel that their bodies are flawed, and this lack of confidence in their physical beauty can create a shut-down in sexual energy. In this segment I am teaching how to inhabit the body from the inside out, bringing the inner beauty of the goddess into physical form.

I’ll keep you posted about this as it develops!

Orgasm is a Path to Enlightenment

One of my spiritual teachers once told me that orgasm is a valid path to enlightenment. The glimpse of “light” that we experience at the point of orgasm is a momentary impression of the state of enlightenment. No wonder people cry “Oh, god!” when they come!

In my work with Tantra, I’ve learned to extend orgasm for a long time – sometimes up to an hour or more. Being in orgasmic energy for that long expands the glimpse of enlightenment, so you can have a more extensive experience of that state.

Isn’t it great to have a spiritual path that is so much fun?

Is "Sacred Prostitute" an oxymoron?

The split between the sacred and the sexual started when the patriarchy took over, and women needed to be controlled so that inheritance could go through men. Read "When God Was a Woman" by Merlin Stone if you'd like to know more. Before that, there were priestesses who used sexuality as part of their rites, but that practice had to be condemned if women were to begin to accept being owned and controlled by men. The most effective way to do that was through religion -- if you f**k someone else, then you're a whore and you'll go to hell! (The original meaning of "whore" was "healer".) So the motivation for making non-monogamous sex (for women, especially) immoral was originally financial, not moral.

When I was working, I used sexual energy as a tool for healing and for expansion of the spirit. It is a powerful force and when used with knowledge and skill, it can be a potent agent of healing, and for having a direct experience of enlightenment. Di you ever wonder why so many people say "Oh, god! Oh, god!" so much when they're coming?

I'm working towards a time when the sacred use of sexuality is reclaimed. It has been forgotten, but it is returning.

If you want to know more about how a prostitute can be sacred, then read my book!

A Gathering of Sacred Intimates

Yesterday I went to a meeting of sacred intimates. It was a great group of people. It had been a long time since I had gathered with sex workers. I was reminded once more just how creative, passionate and lively they are.

These women and men have sex work as their avocation. They are dedicated to healing and approach their clients with love – just as I used to do. I am delighted to see this attitude, and I want to help spread it far and wide. That’s why I wrote my book.

Men Like to Give

One of the great things I learned in my time of doing sensual massage was how much men love to give. Even when the setup was that I was the one giving and they were receiving, they often gave to me anyway.

I remember one session with Jack. I had been seeing him about three years at that point. We often did fantasy sessions, where we each took on a character and played out some fantasy. I didn’t do this with anyone else, but his fantasies were similar to what mine were, so I enjoyed doing this with him.

One morning, we had an appointment and I knew that he would want to do something exciting. I was deep into menopause at the time, burned out on sex work, and overworked. As I thought about what we might do, I realized that I just didn’t have any juice in me to give to him.

When he arrived, I told him, “I am the priestess, and I give to many. Today the priestess is in need. I’d like your service. I’d like a deep massage, and then I’d like you to pleasure me.”

He agreed with delight. As we stood up to go to the massage table, he hugged me. I began to cry, and he said “Lean on me. Lean on me.”

After the tears were done, he proceeded to give me a great massage and then he did indeed pleasure me. After he brought me to orgasm, I asked what he would like. He told me, “Nothing. I’ve received so much already.”

Then he paid me my usual session fee, and left with a hug.

Manifesting a Consort

It’s so amazing how when you are really clear about what you want, and state it, it shows up! The Law of Attraction really works. Soon after I wrote the recent post, Aphrodite’s Consort, I got an email from a former client.

He is a wonderful man. We used to have great sessions running energy together. He always treated me with respect and honor, and his energy fed me deeply. I always felt rejuvenated by our time together.

This is what his email said: “Something inside of me is telling me to learn how to how to assist you in channeling your energy. Not in a "taking" manner as a student takes knowledge from a teacher, but in a completely unselfish giving way that allows you to accomplish what you need.”

Yeah, baby! This is exactly what I need.

I am continually in awe at how I am provided for.

Venus and Pluto

Right now Venus, the planet of love, is conjunct Pluto, the planet of transformation. This means that there is an opportunity for transformation in love relationships. But it might not be easy.

Pluto is an ass-kicker. I read somewhere recently (sorry, can’t remember where) that Pluto only offers two choices: Change or be changed. Change will happen, it’s only a matter of how gracefully we accept it.

So if your romantic relationships are being a bit challenging right now, see if you can find how transformation can happen. Rather than doing the same old patterns, try something different. Reflect upon how the situation is bring you a chance to transform yourself in some way. Perhaps even find some gratitude for it.

Aphrodite's Consort

It’s looking like my relationship with Adam is not going to work out after all. While I’m very grateful for the sexual healing he brought me, it has become clear that we want different things. He wants a full-time relationship, and what I really want is a consort.

“What’s a consort?” you might ask. Most people do when I talk about this. A consort is someone with whom I can have mystical, magical, healing sex. Sex that creates more light upon this planet that is so in need. Sex that brings us both closer to God. Transpersonal sex – done in the context of ritual and in sacred space.

You don’t discuss the laundry with a consort. You don’t watch TV together. You don’t live together and blend your mundane lives. I’m quite happy living on my own. I like my independence. I just would like a consort to come visit from time to time, and leave me in a limp puddle with a smile on my face. A smile that is directed towards him, and also towards God. Is that too much to ask?

Aphrodite doesn’t think so.

Aphrodite

Jean Shinoda Bolen wrote a wonderful book called Goddesses in Everywoman. In it, she describes several goddess archetypes and the energies that they carry. We each embody some of these more than others. I related to Aphrodite the most.

Aphrodite is unique among goddesses. She is not virginal, like Athena or Artemis, yet she is not defined by her relationships like Hera or Demeter. She is sexual, independent, sensual and free.

Aphrodite loves intensity, and so do I. In my book, I describe the end of my second marriage. It basically died from boredom; I needed more excitement.

Even though Aphrodite takes lovers when she wants to, she is not promiscuous. She is very choosy about who she connects with. That describes me as well, especially lately. I did have quite a promiscuous time when I was younger! I’ve never had a relationship that was completely monogamous, although I have had phases where I chose to connect only with one person for a time.

Bolen made the point that it is hard to be an Aphrodite in this culture, where women’s sexuality is supposed to be owned by men. I’ve gotten used to disapproval, and luckily they don’t stone women for adultery in this particular time and place!

Adam Needs a Brother

Cool Hand Luke (who is cool in many ways besides the hand) asked the other day if Adam had a brother. I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. Adam needs a lot of brothers!

By that, I mean that we need more men who honor the feminine and are delighted to serve the goddess as she is channeled through earthly women. Men who understand that the more they give to a woman, the more comes back to them eventually. Adam calls it “circular energy”, where the giving is receiving too.

From Destruction to Flowering

I’ve been studying the Mayan calendar lately. It’s really complex, way more than just the 5000-year cycle that most people talk about. There are cycles within cycles within cycles. One that I’m paying attention to these days is a cycle that started in 1999.

Each of these nested cycles has a series of “days” and “nights” that last varying times. The cycle that started in 1999 has a day or night of 360 days. The first “day” lasted from January 5, 1999 to December 31, 1999. The energy of the first day is “sowing the seeds”.

We are just about to finish the fifth night now, which has the energy of “destruction”. On November 13, 2008, we will enter the sixth day, which has the energy of “flowering”. Whatever we sowed in 1999 will begin to flower soon.

Today I realized how much this cycle has affected my life. In 1999, I began doing sensual massage. It was fresh and new. I loved each day, sharing energy with my clients. I was often in orgasmic energy all day long. What a seed to sow! And I knew that I was reaching people through my sexuality who needed what I had to offer.

The past year was indeed destruction energy for me. I visited a friend who does sexual healing in December of 2007, and as I was there working with him, I realized that I could not complete my healing if I continued to do sensual massage. I came back home and immediately closed down my temple. I never did it again, except for a few select clients.

Now, as the flowering year approaches, I am coming out again. My book is complete, and the process of getting it published is in motion. I’m blogging, reaching out to people again, and my sexual energy is opening up again.

It will be fun to see what this year brings!

Old Fat Naked Women for Peace

This is great!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OINStsPwgQ4

I had a friend who dedicated all her orgasms to world peace. I've lost touch with her, but I assume she's still trying!

Venus Caught in the Middle

There is an important astrological transit happening next week on November 4. Uranus, which loves freedom, is opposing Saturn, which wants commitment. Both are squaring Venus, the planet of romance and love, catching her in the middle. (Paraphrased from the current issue of The Mountain Astrologer daily forecasts.)

This is showing up in my relationship with Adam big time. I’m being the freedom-loving Uranus, and he’s playing Saturn, wanting more of an ongoing relationship than I do. And, yes, Venus is getting caught in the middle. We are in a disconnect. We haven’t spoken in a week, and last time we saw each other I was prickly and irritable. There are lots more transits going on than the Uranus-Saturn opposition, including Pluto on my Mars, which is bringing up anger that I have never expressed my whole life. Poor guy!

I feel that I’m caught in the wheels of fate. Time is speeding up, things are more intense. Personal relationships are being strained as we try to cope with all that is going on. Sometimes I don’t even want a personal relationship at all – they’re too much trouble.

The Crystal Lingam

Adam gave me a beautiful amethyst crystal a few weeks ago. I liked it, but I hadn't explored its energies until last night. Before then, the only thing that I knew was that it wanted me to be the only one who touches it. When he gave it to me, I brought it home, and soaked it in salt water overnight to clear its energy. Then it just waited upon my altar until I was moved to explore it.

Last night was the night. Alone in my house, I lit candles around my bedroom in the four directions, and set sacred space. Then I just held the crystal in various ways, exploring the interface between it and my body. The exploration culminated in my pleasuring myself with it. As I held the tip inside of me, it touched my sacred spot (G spot) in a very pleasurable way. The sexual energy arose and moved through my body.

I kept the image of the crystalline light entering me. It was not about fantasizing about a person, but about connecting with the infinite through the crystal. I think the crystal is a portal into the realms of the infinite, and as I become more comfortable with it, it will be a useful tool in the healing and expansion of my sexuality and a pathway to the divine.

Adam Helps Me Heal

It's time to introduce my lover, Adam. He is a new love, only six months old. Well, he's older than that, but not to me!

He has been really helpful in my sexual healing process. He understands what I've been through, and is really there for me. We have many connections astrologically. His natal Chiron, the wounded healer, conjuncts my Venus, so he brings a lot of healing energy to my sexuality. Very considerate of him to incarnate with that configuration, don't you think?

When we first connected, I was so shut down sexually that I felt numb in my body. My juices didn't flow, even when I began to feel a little arousal. I felt theoretically willing, but my body didn't cooperate at all.

We have a lot of sexual attraction to each other, and I enjoyed the process of just feeling desire. Once, when making love, I asked him to let me fully feel the desire without him acting upon it. He hovered near my entrance, just touching lightly, as I experimented with actively desiring a man again. I knew that he wouldn't enter me unless I asked him to, and I didn't ask him that time. But the act of desiring, of feeling myself open up and reach out to him energetically, shifted something in me. It was an important step on my healing path.

Pine Tree Pleasure

Even though I have retired from my work as a sacred prostitute, there are still a few men that I see. These are people that I developed a special connection with, one that has endured through many years. They respect me and are grateful that I still see them. My boundaries are very different than when I was actively doing the work, but they still enjoy coming (no pun intended).

Jack is one such person, and I saw him today. It was one of the last warm days of autumn. I prepared a special place for us under a pine tree high up on my property. The sun was dappled on the blanket that I spread upon the ground, and the sky was a deep blue overhead. I invited him to lie on his back with his head next to the pine tree, so that he could look up the tree. I thought that it would help his energy move upwards.

I cast a circle around us, calling in the four directions and above and below. With the container created, I then invited him to turn over, and gave him a long deep massage to ease his aching back.

The massage gradually became sensual, and when he turned over, I began pleasuring him. I gradually built up his energy until it peaked. As his energy ran up his body, I imagined it connecting with the tall pine tree above. The tree became a carrier of light, shooting out energy to heal the world.

Next Phase Was the Burnout

In my last post, I described the delight of the first few years of working as a masseuse. Unfortunately, as time went on, I began to burn out. The cost of being that accessible to so many took its toll. I worked hard on keeping myself clear, but there was so much unconsciousness in that world that it was hard to keep myself open and full of light. I began to shut down.

I went into a period of several years where I had no sexual energy at all. I was still skilled at touch, and I could provide men with an exquisite experience of transcendence, but it didn't reach me. I was walled off. All my energy was in the spiritual realms -- my third eye and crown chakras were very activated, but I didn't inhabit my lower chakras at all. (Note: chakras are energy centers. The third eye is about intuition, and the crown is about your connection with Spirit. The lower chakras include your connection to the earth and your sexual energy.)

About a year and a half ago, I began to realize that I was cutting myself off from my power by ignoring my sexual energy. My motivation was to activate my spiritual connection even more strongly, but the message I got was that I had to heal my sexual energy in order to fuel the spiritual expansion. So I embarked upon a sexual healing journey for myself. I may describe some of those experiences later in this blog.

It was a long process, but now I have awakened again. My sexual energy is back, different than before, but growing stronger all the time. I have a new lover, who is a Tantric adept, and he is helping me to open more deeply and to remove the last remnants of the deadened energy that I created as protection while I did the work the last few years.

I'm now in a place where I can celebrate what I did as a sacred prostitute. I want to share with you the stories of that time, and also my process of healing and expansion now. I am stepping into an even deeper way of being with sacred sexuality, where the sexual energy is used for serving the highest good of the earth and the universe.

Tales of a Sacred Prostitute

For nine years, I worked as a sacred prostitute. I did sensual massage with a  little bit of Tantric teachings, and I advertised my services on adult entertainment websites. I considered myself a "Tantric missionary". By making myself available to those men who were motivated by a search for an exotic sexual experience, I reached people who never would have come had I called it "spiritual" or "healing". Yet it was often both.

Before I did this work, I had spent many years teaching Tantra and doing sexual healing. It was much more serious, often focused upon aiding people to heal from sexual abuse. I helped many people, and I was respected in my field. I developed a Tantra school, and trained others to teach Tantra. When they were trained, I had them take over teaching the introductory level classes. This turned out to be a mistake, as the enrollments dropped drastically when I stopped teaching those classes. The introductory level classes were the financial foundation of the school. We were in trouble. I was paying everyone but myself.

But there are no mistakes, really. The financial motivation got me into doing sensual massage, as I could make some big money quickly. but I soon learned that this was the most appropriate next step for me. I closed the school, and devoted myself to doing sensual massage.

The first few years were ecstatic. I loved my clients and my work. Each day felt like a gift from Spirit. I had fun, and I brought my light to many, many men. I shared myself with them freely and joyfully.

I have just written a book called "Tales of a Sacred Prostitute". It's about experiences in my life that led up to my ability to do this work, and stories of many of the happenings of those early joyous years. I just sent the book off the the publisher, and it should be out in early 2009. Watch this blog for more information.

I welcome your respectful questions and comments. One purpose of this blog is to share what I have learned in the realms of sacred sexuality. I hope that I can inspire you in the process.