I awoke from a dream this morning where I was trying to find a place to see clients, and I was worried that I wouldn’t be accepted by the people who lived around the place that I was considering. Later this morning, I started wondering if the website that I am building to promote my book will be accepted – do I have to have an adult portal?
This is such a familiar theme. Even before I started doing sex work, when I taught Tantra workshops to groups, I was always aware that the owners of places that I rented for the workshops might disapprove. Indeed, we did get kicked out of one place when the owner walked in unexpectedly during a Tantric ritual! Everyone was scantily clad, and the women were dancing for the men at that moment. It didn’t go over well, and soon we had to leave.
Today I’m feeling the burden of being a marginalized member of this society. It’s part of the price of working on the edge, trying to create a change in the attitudes that people have about sexuality. Most of the time I can just let it go, but right now I feel tired of having the additional layer of considerations that most people don’t have.
It shows up in the most simple of situations. What’s the first thing that people ask you at a party? “What do you do?” For most people, it’s an easy answer. But for a sex worker, there is a moment of rapid calculation, deciding just how much to reveal to this person, wondering if they will recoil in horror.
I would like to create a world where, if I answered, “I am a sacred prostitute.” I would be honored for the good work that I do. Where people would understand and respect the deep value of sexual healing and sexual ecstasy.
Please take a moment to visualize this. The more we imagine it, the more it is real.
So be it!
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5 comments:
I so understand this. So. Blessings to you in this cycle of your journey.
I think we all feel marginalized to a degree when we put ourselves out there. Unfortunately that is the trend. But what are supposed to do? Keep our true identities covered?
PS - I love your blog Selena! Keep up the good work!
http://girlperves.blogspot.com/
Thanks to both of you.
Yes, I know that question, Karen, about keeping our true identities covered. I've dealt with it on a case-by-case basis. I think what I do is evaluate whether the pain of being hidden is worse than the pain of being condemned. And what the likelihood is of being condemned.
Luckily, my closest friends all know and embrace this aspect of me, so I'm not completely closeted and isolated. It more comes up when I meet a stranger, especially one that looks straight.
I had a fun night at a party once, where I knew no one. I decided to just be out there, and when someone asked me what I do, I said "I am a madam." It made for some interesting conversations, as most people were fascinated. But it was a low-risk situation, as I was visiting another city at the time.
This is tricky. I have always felt marginalized but not for what I do or don't do but for who I am. I feel different. As I've aged and grown wiser, especially within my goddess, I have found more like minded individuals. I treasure them and keep them close. The others. Whatever. Let them deal with whatever I trigger within them. I'm not insensitive to their energy. In fact I'm too much in tune, but so be it. I would rather be this way than closed off and numb.
You seem to embrace who you are Selena. Yay! Never mind the rest as much as you can.
hugs,
tinque
One of my very wise teachers has said to me often: "What other people think of me is none of my business!"
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