The Crystal Lingam

Adam gave me a beautiful amethyst crystal a few weeks ago. I liked it, but I hadn't explored its energies until last night. Before then, the only thing that I knew was that it wanted me to be the only one who touches it. When he gave it to me, I brought it home, and soaked it in salt water overnight to clear its energy. Then it just waited upon my altar until I was moved to explore it.

Last night was the night. Alone in my house, I lit candles around my bedroom in the four directions, and set sacred space. Then I just held the crystal in various ways, exploring the interface between it and my body. The exploration culminated in my pleasuring myself with it. As I held the tip inside of me, it touched my sacred spot (G spot) in a very pleasurable way. The sexual energy arose and moved through my body.

I kept the image of the crystalline light entering me. It was not about fantasizing about a person, but about connecting with the infinite through the crystal. I think the crystal is a portal into the realms of the infinite, and as I become more comfortable with it, it will be a useful tool in the healing and expansion of my sexuality and a pathway to the divine.

Adam Helps Me Heal

It's time to introduce my lover, Adam. He is a new love, only six months old. Well, he's older than that, but not to me!

He has been really helpful in my sexual healing process. He understands what I've been through, and is really there for me. We have many connections astrologically. His natal Chiron, the wounded healer, conjuncts my Venus, so he brings a lot of healing energy to my sexuality. Very considerate of him to incarnate with that configuration, don't you think?

When we first connected, I was so shut down sexually that I felt numb in my body. My juices didn't flow, even when I began to feel a little arousal. I felt theoretically willing, but my body didn't cooperate at all.

We have a lot of sexual attraction to each other, and I enjoyed the process of just feeling desire. Once, when making love, I asked him to let me fully feel the desire without him acting upon it. He hovered near my entrance, just touching lightly, as I experimented with actively desiring a man again. I knew that he wouldn't enter me unless I asked him to, and I didn't ask him that time. But the act of desiring, of feeling myself open up and reach out to him energetically, shifted something in me. It was an important step on my healing path.

Pine Tree Pleasure

Even though I have retired from my work as a sacred prostitute, there are still a few men that I see. These are people that I developed a special connection with, one that has endured through many years. They respect me and are grateful that I still see them. My boundaries are very different than when I was actively doing the work, but they still enjoy coming (no pun intended).

Jack is one such person, and I saw him today. It was one of the last warm days of autumn. I prepared a special place for us under a pine tree high up on my property. The sun was dappled on the blanket that I spread upon the ground, and the sky was a deep blue overhead. I invited him to lie on his back with his head next to the pine tree, so that he could look up the tree. I thought that it would help his energy move upwards.

I cast a circle around us, calling in the four directions and above and below. With the container created, I then invited him to turn over, and gave him a long deep massage to ease his aching back.

The massage gradually became sensual, and when he turned over, I began pleasuring him. I gradually built up his energy until it peaked. As his energy ran up his body, I imagined it connecting with the tall pine tree above. The tree became a carrier of light, shooting out energy to heal the world.

Next Phase Was the Burnout

In my last post, I described the delight of the first few years of working as a masseuse. Unfortunately, as time went on, I began to burn out. The cost of being that accessible to so many took its toll. I worked hard on keeping myself clear, but there was so much unconsciousness in that world that it was hard to keep myself open and full of light. I began to shut down.

I went into a period of several years where I had no sexual energy at all. I was still skilled at touch, and I could provide men with an exquisite experience of transcendence, but it didn't reach me. I was walled off. All my energy was in the spiritual realms -- my third eye and crown chakras were very activated, but I didn't inhabit my lower chakras at all. (Note: chakras are energy centers. The third eye is about intuition, and the crown is about your connection with Spirit. The lower chakras include your connection to the earth and your sexual energy.)

About a year and a half ago, I began to realize that I was cutting myself off from my power by ignoring my sexual energy. My motivation was to activate my spiritual connection even more strongly, but the message I got was that I had to heal my sexual energy in order to fuel the spiritual expansion. So I embarked upon a sexual healing journey for myself. I may describe some of those experiences later in this blog.

It was a long process, but now I have awakened again. My sexual energy is back, different than before, but growing stronger all the time. I have a new lover, who is a Tantric adept, and he is helping me to open more deeply and to remove the last remnants of the deadened energy that I created as protection while I did the work the last few years.

I'm now in a place where I can celebrate what I did as a sacred prostitute. I want to share with you the stories of that time, and also my process of healing and expansion now. I am stepping into an even deeper way of being with sacred sexuality, where the sexual energy is used for serving the highest good of the earth and the universe.

Tales of a Sacred Prostitute

For nine years, I worked as a sacred prostitute. I did sensual massage with a  little bit of Tantric teachings, and I advertised my services on adult entertainment websites. I considered myself a "Tantric missionary". By making myself available to those men who were motivated by a search for an exotic sexual experience, I reached people who never would have come had I called it "spiritual" or "healing". Yet it was often both.

Before I did this work, I had spent many years teaching Tantra and doing sexual healing. It was much more serious, often focused upon aiding people to heal from sexual abuse. I helped many people, and I was respected in my field. I developed a Tantra school, and trained others to teach Tantra. When they were trained, I had them take over teaching the introductory level classes. This turned out to be a mistake, as the enrollments dropped drastically when I stopped teaching those classes. The introductory level classes were the financial foundation of the school. We were in trouble. I was paying everyone but myself.

But there are no mistakes, really. The financial motivation got me into doing sensual massage, as I could make some big money quickly. but I soon learned that this was the most appropriate next step for me. I closed the school, and devoted myself to doing sensual massage.

The first few years were ecstatic. I loved my clients and my work. Each day felt like a gift from Spirit. I had fun, and I brought my light to many, many men. I shared myself with them freely and joyfully.

I have just written a book called "Tales of a Sacred Prostitute". It's about experiences in my life that led up to my ability to do this work, and stories of many of the happenings of those early joyous years. I just sent the book off the the publisher, and it should be out in early 2009. Watch this blog for more information.

I welcome your respectful questions and comments. One purpose of this blog is to share what I have learned in the realms of sacred sexuality. I hope that I can inspire you in the process.